Click. Click. Click.

jean claude van damme squirrel!! 03.21.09

2009-03-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

at my bird feeder.

the Pootie Tang of Cockatoos. 03.14.09

2009-03-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

oh no. ralph reviewed a movie. 03.10.09

2009-03-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

we watched a movie tonight from netflix (via instant play).

this movie SUCKED. it was hilarious, how badly it sucked.
even better was how funny ralph is when he's tortured by a bad flick.
he kept pointing at me with his angry monkey scowl and spent most of the movie with one hand clapped over his forehead and groaning. at one point i got up to get water and hit pause. ralph YELLED at me for prolonging his pain.

however! the best part was when the movie was Finally Over (109 minutes later), ralph felt compelled to write his first ever review on netflix.

it went a little something like this -

"You know when a dog poos, and another dog eats that poo, then poops it out and then another dog eats that poop and then that last dog tries to kiss you?

That is this movie."

i'm snickering, thinking about the netflix employee who will get this in their approve/reject review queue tomorrow morning.

thought. 03.08.09

2009-03-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don't you?
-Rumi

valentine's day '08, i sent a quartet to sing to ralph at work.
then i showed up in a rented gorilla costume with a homemade "i'm bananas 4 you" sign
i called his receptionist and she sent him to the 3rd story window, pretending to be all surprised by the weirdness in the parking lot

i skipped and dipped around, thumping my gorilla chest and skampering around with knuckles dragging

he was mortified. and a little proud?

celebrate your love, people!

the dude abides. 03.07.09

2009-03-07T19:48:00.001-08:00

ok. so the Dude does Abide.
and he works at the Shell at N Portsmouth and N Lombard.
it's like a friggin Big Foot sighting...!

Plus ~ my favorite local thai spot ~ funny signage - Food and Drink Not Allowed. ?

poor bizkit. 3.07.09.

2009-03-07T14:37:00.001-08:00

and poor wall!

man. it's sad, but i can't stop laughing...

i love my neighbor girl. 1.13.09.

2009-01-13T18:41:00.000-08:00

who's 10 and Daaaaamn Funny....

i went over to return the box of crayons i borrowed, and she shared with me a poem she wrote as a homework assignment...

"Growls" the dog - a poem by my cat, translated version

my favourite thing in the world is yarn

just like a barn would be to a cow

i'm going to tell you about my least favourite thing now

growls the neighbor dog who always barks when i pass

at least i don't pass gas

sure his fur is like silk

but when i see him i have to go to my happy place

in heaven

where of course there's yarn

and lots... of milk

weird things on our calendar. 12.23.08.

2008-12-23T04:20:00.000-08:00

transferring dates to remember from our '08 to our '09 calendar, and found these random entries... some of them make absolutely no sense now, others are pretty funny.

Jan 12
r: Mom wants a wine bucket for her birthday.
t: We'd better get one big enough for the box.

Feb 9
"Lord knows you don't want to have to share with No Damn Baby."
-wendy, re: eliot's suggestion of big bird for "cactus"

Feb 26
t: I think spaghetti's pretty much the AOL of pasta.

Mar 15 - I pooped at the Grange!

Apr 7
tonya, re: open air bathrooms in bali..: The only thing worse than a monkey throwing poo at you is a monkey throwing your poo at you.

Apr 7, 8:47pm
t: it's in one ear and out Whatever.

Apr 21
t: Don't try to polish your beak on my branch, asshole.

May 8
t, exasperated: I don't know who it is. Buck Gordon Rogers Loggins Lightfoot. ok?!

May 19
t: you think i'm a lot more awesome than most people think i am.
r: Yeah, well I know you better.

May 22
r: Worst porn name. Ever. Dick Littler.

Jun 12
r, stroking an imaginary beard..: I wonder what's to do in Greeeeeenland?

Jun 14
tonya, re: fantasy purchase of a disco duck t-shirt..: Yeeeah!! Maybe I'll hit that shit with a Bedazzler, too!!

Jun 14, 11:10pm
t: how can you be so great in bed and such a Rotten Dancer??
r: my other senses make up for what's missing. Yeah. I'm awesome. I'm like - a blind man WITH SIGHT!

Jun 15, 1:13am
r: WhatEVER! I'm Batman.

Jun 17
r: Wow! Here's what you can do!

Jun 20 - Solstice, Bitches!!

Jul 18 - new dance moves by tonya..: The Best Represent. The Hook.

Jul 19
r: I'm like a sexy ninja on the dance floor. Except that you can see me.

Jul 19, 9:35pm
t: I ask you. Why do gus' kisses taste like logan's asssss.

Jul 26
t: You should have dated a sex therapist before me.
r: Nah. I would have wanted group therapy.

Sep 2
t: No... Kelly wouldn't be dating someone who's [claw hand signal] 'Weird in the Face'!

Nov 15 - Fidelio, Bitches!

Dec
t: i like this stuff, this 'Cottonelle.' is it environmentally friendly?
r: No.
t: what can we do that's environmentally friendly - that doesn't suck?
r: Sandpaper, Leaves.
t: that DOESN'T suck.
r: Cottonelle.
t: that's ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY.
r: My BUTT'S an environment.

paul bunyan do not be here. uh-uh. 12.21.08.

2008-12-21T07:22:00.000-08:00

(7:15am)
ralph's still in the other room sawing logs. makes me wanna yell TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM-MMMMMBBBBERRRRRRRRRRRR really loudly and see what he does. hmmmm. BACK IN A MINUTE!!!

(7:20am)
ahhahahaha! he jumped about 2feet straight up in bed, and yelled in a sleepy voice, "geez, Jennifer!! do you have to be so annoying?!" then he realized he was at home, and it was me.
i was laughing so hard that i fell over into bed for a minute.

(jennifer is ralph's little sister..! ahahahah)